Stupid Customers

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn’t solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”

Stupid CoWorkers

Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems, the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walked her through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me. I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own. Problem solved.

Stupid CoWorkers

Employee’s Lingo:

“I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization”

I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’m honest, hardworking and dependable”

I pilfer office supplies.

“My pertinent work experience includes…”

I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

“I take pride in my work”

I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’m personable”

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to coworkers.

“I’m extremely professional”

I carry a Day-Timer.

“I am adaptable”

I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I am on the go”

I’m never at my desk.

“I’m highly motivated to succeed”

The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

Stupid Laws

Stupid Laws in Little Rock, Arkansas

Honking one’s car horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the law.

No one may “suddenly start or stop their car at a McDonald’s.

Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.

Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.