Lady on cell: Trust me, this is the one time you can pee on a woman and not totally demean her.
Stupid CoWorkers
“I worked as a head of an IT department in a smaller insurance company. I’ve worked there only part time, or as needed (the team consisted of 2 people :)). I was about 22 at that time. We had this “game” we played with my collegue, and a good friend – once in a while I’d tell him after, say, he came back from lunch – “Joseph, such and such called, you’re supposed to go to him/her immediately, he has some problem…” and off he went ..and came back like “You moron! :))” So I teased him quite a lot like this. As we did this more and more, we went to higher positions – like President of the company called, head of such and such department called etc.. Of course you never got to talk to the real bosses – only to their secretaries to find out that…no, they didn’t call you.
ONE DAY THOUGH, I came back from lunch and he tells me – vice-president’s secretary called, that the vice president needs to discuss this and that with you (he made up something pretty believable). So I went and thought – if she hadn’t called, the secretary will tell me. I came to the big boss’ place and the secretary was on the phone and just waived at me like “Alright, go on the vice-presidents office” or just maybe she meant “No, dont’ go, they have a meeting and I didnt’ call you!”. Anyways – I went in. There was a meeting there with the bosses of all departments – there were like 5 people, in a fairly small office, all siting in front of this big boss’ desk. They were discussing something..so I took a chair from accross the room and sat down and listened and took notes for like 5 minutes. Then the vice-president interupted the speaker and she asked – “Yes Daniel, what can we do for you?” I was like – I dont’ know…tell me, what I can do for you.. and she just looked for a second at me ..and then it hit me…DAMN it – she didnt’ call me
It wasn’t all that funny then, but now I get a great laugh from this story.”
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Stupid Salespeople
I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information. So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I’d just give her my credit card number and be on my way. Almost.
Saleswoman: “Do you realize that the modem you’ve chosen doesn’t have sound support?”
Customer: “What exactly does a ‘modem with no sound support’ mean?”
Saleswoman: “It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you won’t be able to hear it.”
Customer: “What does the modem have to do with that?”
Saleswoman: “Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet.”
Customer: “So, you’re telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?”
Saleswoman: “Yes.”
Customer: “How does it accomplish this feat?”
Saleswoman: “I’m not technical enough to answer that. Please hold.”
I stayed on hold for five minutes and hung up.
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Stupid Tech Support
I was at an ad agency a while back and there was a big project deadline looming. The folks who were printing this particular ad were about 150 miles away and had to get all of the files that the agency had put together in a hurry. We found out the hard way, after trial and error, that the print house didn’t have any Internet access at all, so we couldn’t email the data. So I suggested that we meet half way, and I’d give them the files on a zip disk. I asked the woman on the phone if she had a zip. She replied with a five digit number.