Bubbles is an inspiration for anyone wanting to avoid actually having to WORK for their paycheck. We’re not talking hard physical labor, either. Over the years she’s been shifted from one department to another due to incompetence or laziness. I’m reasonably certain there are many pets and some houseplants with higher IQs than hers. The most FAQ we hear is Does she do ANYTHING? Here’s a typical Bubbles work day:

HOUR 1 Arrives at work (usually 30-90 min. late, although she IS punctual 3-4 times a year).HOUR 2: Greets boss cheerily, not wasting her breath to greet coworkers (oops, I should say colleagues, since the word coworker implies that she shares the workload). Follows that with question about boss’s personal life to deflect notice of her tardiness. Boss complies with a 5-50 minute list of complaints.HOUR 3: Reads email for awhile, always answering ones from friends/family. She dutifully checks her horoscope and then looks for web sites related to her hobbies. Disappears two minutes after boss goes into meeting.HOUR 4: Places/receives several personal phone calls. Halfway through HOUR 4 she heads to her exercise classHOUR 6: Returns to desk and checks to see if boss nearby. If yes, she dashes off a quick email or makes business-related phone call to make sure the boss is aware of her presence. Then she’s off to the cafeteria or local deli to grab lunch and eat at her desk (NO, she didn’t have time during her two-hour break to actually eat).HOUR 7: Places or receives several more personal phone calls, and disappears for parts unknown. Returns in time to say goodnight to the boss, being sure to ask about bosses’ plans for the evening and make sympathetic or encouraging noises, then calls it a day 2-3 minutes’ after bosses’ departure.

She could get an Academy Award for her performance as a tired yet plucky single mom, struggling against all odds to be the best darn homemaker and mother she can. But listen closely to the personal calls; the content revolves around her soliciting free childcare for the night/weekend so she can devote attention to the pursuit of happiness (hers) and the boyfriend du jour. Vacations are spent in exotic locations without the kids and she manages to get nearly every Friday afternoon off in summer for long weekend getaways without having to use vacations time. Often she’s worn-out from the fun weekend and has to take Monday off.

The boss admires Bubble’s ability to combine her busy life with a full-time job. None of our calculators can show that 0-1 hour of work per day adds up to a full-time job. Must be defective….

Right now she’s riding high on a recent compliment from the boss that what she does is a GIFT, and that we’re very lucky to have her. We’re still trying to figure out what the heck she DOES. Any clues?