I use to work in a place that made electrical control panels for paint booths. Not just any kind of paint booth, big ones! We’re talking, 747 aircraft size paint booths! I loved my job, and my work, I took great pride in what I did.
My boss was a great guy, easy to get along with, knew his stuff, great father to his daughter, devoted husband, all around great guy. He had one problem though; he didn’t like to confront anyone.
(A customer takes a free sample from a barrel marked “FREE DOG BISCUITS”.)
Woman: “Are these free?”
Me: “Yes, those are free samples.”
Woman: “What are they?” *rips package open*
Me: “Those are dog biscuits, ma’am.”
Woman: *takes a bite of the DOG BISCUITS* “These are the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted!”
Me: “No doubt…”
I run a coffee house/bakery on a college campus and last semester, we had a large number of requests for bottled water to be sold in our shop. Now the reason that we didn’t sell bottled water was because we thought it would be in the students best interest to offer free water, by placing a water cooler in the back with little paper cups next to it. In our end of the year meeting, the vice president of the college said that he wanted us to sell bottled water instead, and that he would prefer that it have our logo on the bottle. So we nixed the water cooler idea and ordered some bottled water, personalized with our logo. The bottling company required that we buy 1 palletful(about 30 cases, with 25 bottles in each, costs about 250 bucks) of water to get the label done for free. This semester starts, complete with our new bottled water for sale, and we haven’t been open for a week when the same vice president comes down and says that he has changed his mind and that we need to have the free water cooler out within the next day or two, because the trustees will be taking a tour of campus. Now we can ignore the waste of money, because I am a retail center, and I can make up a loss of 250 bucks fairly easily, but tell me what the hell I am supposed to do with 30 goddamn cases of bottled water that no one will buy now that we have the same stuff in the back for free?
(I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.)
Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…”
(I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…)
Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.”
Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click*