Stupid Customers

Me: “Can I help you with anything sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for some shrimp.”

Me: “Shrimp is in the seafood department, right over there.”

Customer: “See, I don’t want to boil them, I just want to barbecue them.”

Me: “Okay, well, they should be in the seafood department.”

Customer: “But I want to barbecue them. Could you get me a pound of shrimp?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have shrimp in the deli.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have any?”

Me: “We only have deli meat and cheese in the deli. The seafood department has shrimp, just over there.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because shrimp are seafood… they live in the sea.”

Customer: “… really?”

Stupid Customers

(We shot a wedding after dark and in the rain last year. When the happy couple met with me to pick up their photos the conversation went like this…)

Bride: “I am so disappointed that there are no beautiful sunset pictures, like on your website.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, but if you remember correctly the weather was terrible, and you got married in the dark.”

Bride: “Yeah, but we paid you a lot of money!”

Me: “I would charge a lot more money if I could turn back time and change the weather.”

Bride: “All of the other weddings we saw on your website have beautiful sunsets!”

Me: “We took those photos at sunset, before it got dark, and it wasn’t raining.”

Bride: “I’m sick of your slick excuses. You have an answer for everything!”

(This conversation went on, round and round like this for an hour. The mom called and we had the exact same conversation!)

Stupid Customers

(It was in between Halloween and Christmas and we were changing the promotional aisle and switching stuff out. There was literally nothing in the aisle but folded down cardboard boxes, and signs were up saying “temporary out of order”.)

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, is everything alright?”

Customer: “No, I was walking down the aisle with cardboard and I fell. I am blaming you!”

Me: “I didn’t make you walk down the aisle… didn’t you see the sign?”

Customer: “I needed something down that aisle! I am going to have you fired for your rude attitude!”

(I call the manager on the PA system.)

Customer: “You’re going to be in trouble!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I fell down in the aisle with cardboard boxes. It’s all this kid’s fault.”

Manager: “You shouldn’t have walked down the aisle, then. I suggest you leave before I call the police for harassing one of my employees.”

Customer: *faking she’s in pain* “I don’t believe this! I am going to call the corporate office!”

Manager: “Right after I call the police.” *walks away to “call the police”*

Me: “You got him mad. He is a mean one when he is mad.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Oh yeah!”

Customer: ‘Um… I have to get my cell phone out of the car.” *leaves quickly*

(She never returned.)

Stupid CoWorkers

(A customer takes a free sample from a barrel marked “FREE DOG BISCUITS”.)

Woman: “Are these free?”

Me: “Yes, those are free samples.”

Woman: “What are they?” *rips package open*

Me: “Those are dog biscuits, ma’am.”

Woman: *takes a bite of the DOG BISCUITS* “These are the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted!”

Me: “No doubt…”