Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”
Caller: “Electronics, please.”
Me: “We’re an electronics store, ma’am. Could you be more specific?”
Caller: “Umm…just one moment.”
(She hangs up. Five minutes later, she calls back.)
Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”
Caller: “Electronics DEPARTMENT, please.”
Me: “…”
Me: *on the phone with a customer* “I can have a repairman out there in 2 days to fix your dishwasher.”
Customer: “Two days? TWO DAYS?! What am I going to do with the dishes in the meantime?!”
Me: *jokingly “For $10 a day I’ll come out and wash them.”
Customer: “Ok, great! Can I put that on my store card?”
Me: “Um…I was just kidding, ma’am.”
Customer: *angrily* “Let me talk to your manager!”
(After my boss speaks with the customer, he comes over to talk to me.)
Boss: “Did you tell the customer you would wash her dishes?”
Me: “I was just joking!”
Boss: “NEVER joke with a customer. Customers have NO sense of humor. None.”
Customer: “Miss, is this a diet soda or a regular?”
Me: “Diet, sir – it’s what you ordered.”
Customer: “Are you SURE it’s diet?”
Me: “Yes, sir, I poured it myself.”
Customer: “Well, it had better be, because I’m allergic to sugar!”
Me: *later, taking the food order* “…and what would you like for dessert, sir?”
Customer: “Oh, I’ll have the chocolate cheesecake sundae.”
Customer: “I bought ten fish and they all DIED. The customer service desk said you would get me new ones. Here’s my receipt.”
Me: “It looks like you had ten feeder goldfish?”
Customer: “Yes, and they all DIED. I want new ones.”
Me: “That’s unusual. Goldfish are pretty hardy. Did they have any little white spots, or anything like that before they died?”
Customer: “No, I went to feed them and they were all dead in the bowl!”
Me: Wait…you had ten goldfish in a bowl? What size?”
Customer: “Like this!” *points to a small bowl on the shelf*
Me: “Ma’am, that bowl only holds a gallon of water. The general rule for fish is ‘a gallon of water per inch of fish’. So for these goldfish at the size they’re now, you would need a tank larger then ten gallons to accommodate them.”
Customer: “I want them in a bowl! Maybe I’ll get smaller fish. How much are these?” *pointing*
Me: “Those are fancy guppies; they’re two dollars.”
Customer: “EACH?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “What about those?
Me: “Those are angelfish; they’re four dollars.”
Customer: “EACH?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “Just give me the ten fish to replace my other ones! Those are only 39 cents each!”
Me: “Fine…but if you put them all in the same bowl, they’re all going to die again, and I don’t want to hear about it when they do!”
Customer: *pause* “Get me my fish!”
(She got her new fish. No idea what the death toll was.)