Stupid Customers

July 12, 2009

Me: “Hi there. Can I help you find a certain section?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a card.”

Me: “Okay. What type of card?”

Customer: “Well, there is this guy and he is my friend…but not really…and I want to get him a special card.”

Me: “Okay, I’m not sure I understand. Do you want a friendship card?”

Customer: “No. Oh my God, he would hate that! It’s just that…we’re friends, but not really. Like, we’re more than friends.”

Me: “So, your boy–”

Customer: “OH, GOD NO! He’s not my boyfriend. We just have a lot of sex, and I want to get him a card…for that.”

Me: “Ma’am…I don’t think we actually make ‘Sex Buddy Cards’.”

Customer: *long pause*

Me: “Maybe a ‘Thank You’ card?”

Customer: *runs from store*

Stupid Customers

Stupid Customers

July 9, 2009

Soccer mom: Can I have a medium iced latte? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?

Employee: $2.99.

Soccer mom: And how much is the medium?

Employee: $2.69.

Soccer mom: So which is the better value?

Employee: Huh?

Soccer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medium? What’s the cost per ounce of each?

Next customer in line: Here’s thirty cents, just give her a large.

Soccer mom: I’m not sure if I want a large.

Rest of very long line: Argh!

Stupid Customers

Stupid Customers

July 4, 2009

(A woman returns to our car wash with a scowl on her face, 15 minutes after leaving. Note that she drives a black Beetle and it’s been 80 degrees with sunny skies for the past week.)

Me: “Hi, welcome back!”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to speak with your owner please.”

Me: “He’s having a conference call right now. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, my car is still dirty.”

Me: “Oh, did the mud not wash off the back?”

Customer: “There was no mud. The egg didn’t wash off the roof of my car.”

Me: “Um, someone egged you car? How long has the egg been there?”

Customer: “A week or so, but thats not the point. It didn’t wash off!”

Me: “Ma’am, the egg is baked into your paint. It’s never going to wash off.”

Customer: “What?! It’s just a f***ing egg! My car is not a g**d*** frying pan! It was some friends playing a joke… just wash it off!”

Me: “Ma’am, the egg is baked on. You have to get it repainted. Whoever egged your car is no friend of yours.”

(The customer suddenly gets very quiet and glares at me.)

Customer: *whispers* “… Who have you been talking to?”

(The customer points her finger at my face and begins to slowly back out the door. She then slowly sits in her car and drives off… without breaking her stare.)

Stupid Customers

Stupid Customers

June 22, 2009

Customer: “Hey, how good is this book?” *holds a fantasy book*

Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t read it. But you might want to start with the first one in the series, if we have it right now…”

Customer: “You haven’t read it? You’re gotta be kidding me! Really, they hire anyone these days. I guess I’ll try it, then. You said it’s not the first

one?”

Me: “No, and it seems that we don’t have the first book in this series. If you want, you can leave your name and number and we will call you if someone sells it.”

Customer: “No, no, that will be fine. I’ll just come back. When will you get it?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. We’re a used books store. We only get books when people sell them to us.”

Customer: “I know that, I’m not stupid! When will someone sell you this book?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Customer: *rolls his eyes* “I can’t believe they hired you. I bet it’s only because you’re pretty!”

Me: “Er…thanks, I guess?”

Stupid Customers
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