Stupid Customers

(A man claiming to be our hotel guest’s boss calls our front desk several times, claiming that the guest won’t return his calls. I ring the hotel guest to let her know the situation.)

Me: “Hello! I received a few phone calls from a Mr. *** asking you to call him back immediately.”

Hotel guest: “Oh, Mr. ***? I don’t know a Mr. ****.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I’m sorry to bother you. I will ask him to stop calling.”

Hotel guest: “Well, what was his name again?”

Me: “Mr. ***.”

Hotel guest: “Was he tall?”

Me: “Ma’am, he was on the phone.”

Hotel guest: “You didn’t notice if he was tall or not? That doesn’t help me at all.”

Me: “Very sorry, ma’am. I will try to get a better look at him next time he calls.”

Hotel guest: “Thank you so much dear!” *hangs up*

Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone provider]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering if you’d gotten my payment?”

Me: “It doesn’t look like we have. May I ask how you paid?”

Customer: “I went to one of your stores two months ago just as they were closing up. A guy was walking out of the store and I asked if he worked there, so I gave him an envelope with my payment and telephone number written on it. He said he’d give it to his manager the next day.”

Me: “Did you go back to the store to find out what happened?”

Customer: “Yah, they said that no one matching the description I gave them worked there! So…is there any way you could adjust that charge?”

Stupid Customers

(At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)

Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”

Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”

Customer #2: “Oh my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”

Customer #1: “Yeah!”

Customer #2, to me: “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*

Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”

Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*

Me: “No.”

Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*

Me: “That’s okay.”

Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*

Me: “No it won’t, sir…”

Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling [TV Company], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my TV is broken.”

Me: “I’ll be glad to help you today. What is wrong with your TV?”

Customer: “The picture keeps flashing on and off.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Can I have you check the connections on the back of your TV to make sure everything is screwed in tightly?”

Customer: “Well, the lights in my house are flashing on and off too. We’re in a tornado warning. Do you think that has something to do with it?”