Customer: “Do you guys still do that free tan on your birthday thing?”
Me: “Yes, we do!”
Customer: “Well, no one called me!”
Me: “Oh, we don’t actually call the clients.”
Customer: “How am I supposed to know when to come then?”
Me: “You just come in on your birthday.”
Customer: “Well, when is that?”
Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”
Customer: “Do you have decaf?”
Me: “We do. What size would you like?”
Customer: “Well, I was wondering if I could have half decaf and half regular?”
Me: “Sure thing.”
Customer: “If I do that, which one will be on the top?”
Customer: “Hi, I need to get a refund for this book. You gave me the wrong book.”
Me: “Didn’t you ask for Dracula?”
Customer: “No! I read this book and it is nothing like the movie.”
Me: “Actually, Francis Ford Coppola completely re-wrote the story when he filmed his version of Dracula. I can help you find that version, if you’d like.”
Customer: “No! I want the Van Helsing version.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “Yeah, in Van Helsing, Van Helsing is the main character and he fights Dracula and Frankenstein.”
Me: “That film is a complete work of fiction. Van Helsing never fought Frankenstein or Frankenstein’s monster.”
Customer: “Yes he did! The movie said so! What do you know?”
Me: “Bram Stroker was a little boy when Mary Shelley died, so she never read Dracula.”
Customer: “I think you are lying. The movie and Hugh Jackman would never lie!” *storms off*
Customer #2: *overhearing* “I hate Hollywood.”
Me: “Thank you for calling . How can I help you?”
Caller: “Have you seen District 9?”
Me: “Yes, I have. Do have questions about it?”
Caller: “Is this some sort of Australian joke?”
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Caller: “All this movie has been is interviews with government people and aliens wearing brassieres! Am I watching some weird special feature or is this some kind of Australian joke?”
Me: “Well, the movie is in a documentary style and that definitely sounds like the beginning of the movie. If you want, you can come down to the store and exchange it for no charge.”
Caller: “Thank you very much. Those Australians have a weird sense of humor, man. I should know…I used to be married to a Brit and they’re strange, too!”
Me: “All right, sir you have a good night.”
Caller: “OK. I will put in a decent movie now which is not an Australian joke.”