Male coworker #1: I just couldn’t take my eyes off her mound. It was so big and, well, unorganized.
Male coworker #2: Big mounds, seems to be the Monday thing around here. Seen one, seen ’em all.
Female coworker, passing through: Well boys, you must be talking about other people’s paperwork again, since we all know you both haven’t seen a real mound in the last decade.
Male coworker #2: We were actually talking about your mound. Organize that shit, will ya?
Female coworker, laughing: Never!
Cube dweller #1: I have people all up inside me all the time, and they’re just bound to come out sooner or later.
Cube dweller #2: I do too: that’s why I write.
Cube dweller #1: I think we’re talking about two different things here.
Our last receptionist called me to complain that the keys on her new keyboard were hard to push. She asked me to install a program to “soften up her keyboard keys.”
Once I got called to the office of a co-worker (let’s call him Joe User) to help him figure out his username (he knew his password).
* Me: “Your username is ‘Joe User’.”
* Him: “Unacceptable! How much am I supposed to remember? I can only remember a certain number of things.”
* Me: “Wouldn’t one of those things be your name?”
* Him: “I guess I’ll have to write it down.”
He proceeded to write his own name on a sticky note and attach it to his monitor.