Stupid Customers

Customer and child: “Hello, how old do kids have to be until they have to pay for admission?”

Me: “4 years old. 3 and under are free.”

Customer: “1 adult and 1 three year old, then.”

Daughter: “But daddy, I’m 4!”

Customer: “Quiet honey, Daddy, is talking”

Daughter: “Daddy,I’m not 3, I’m 4!!!”

Stupid Customers

(I ring up Grand Theft Auto Vice City and looks at her 7 year old child.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’d like to advise you that this game is rated M for mature. It contains graphic vio–”

Customer: “Listen here, I know video games.”

Son: “Mommy I want it now!”

Me: “You don’t understand, it’s very–”

Customer: *yelling* “Are you going to sell me that game or not?!”

Me: “I will sell you the game, but you must understand that it’s not intended for children.”

Customer: “[Son] gets what he wants.”

(Three hours go by and I’m standing near the register. The same customer walks in looking exasperated.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “Is there a problem with the disk? We can exchange the disk for free if there’s anything wrong with it.”

Customer: “No. It’s not that. I walked in on my son playing the game. I witnessed him stealing a car, driving up to a prostitute, having sex with her, and then running her over and then get out and collect the cash. When I asked him why he did this, he responded, ‘b**** ain’t gonna need that money, she’s dead!’”

Stupid Customers

(I’m work as a technical support agent for a satellite TV company. I get a call where I hear a baby screaming in the background.)

Me: “Thank you for calling Technical Support. How are you doing this evening?”

Customer: “Hello? Yes? I need to speak to someone in the technical department.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, this is the technical department, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m babysitting for a woman, and she has a one year old. I’ve never actually babysat a baby before, and I can’t figure out how to get the diaper off so I can change him! These things have some sort of electronic lock or something on them right so the baby can’t take them off?”

Me: “Ma’am, this is customer support for satellite television, not a child care line.”

Customer: “But you are a technical guy right?! You should be able to help me out! Is there somewhere I can put a code in or something? Come on!”

Me: “Ma’am, again I apologize, but this is a technical support line for satellite television. I really can’t help you.”

Customer: “Please, I’m begging you! I want to get paid for this job! if I don’t change his diaper and he gets a rash or something, I’m going to be in big trouble!”

Me: “Have you tried peeling back the two little tapes on the front of the diaper?”

(I hear the customer pause for a second, and then I hear the tell tale ripping noise of the diaper tapes being peeled away.)

Customer: “Wow! You’re a genius! It came right off! Did you press a little button or something on your end?”

Stupid Customers

(I hear glass shattering from the back of the store, near the wine department. As I head to the source of the sound, I hear a second shatter and see a small child in a cart reaching for a third wine bottle to pull off the rack. There’s no sign of a parent around.)

Me: “Stop that!”

(I grab the cart and pull it away from the wine racks. Suddenly, the absent parent shows up.)

Customer: “How dare you touch that cart! My child is in that cart! How dare you touch my child without my permission!”

Me: “Ma’am, your child has broken 2 bottles of wine and was about to break a third bottle. I just saved you another $12.99.”

Customer: “Saved me? You’re the one trying to kidnap my child!”

Me: “Ma’am, you already owe me $26 for what happened when you were not watching your own child.”

Customer: “If you’re going to charge me money for bringing my child into the store, I should just let you take him!”