Receptionist: Jim Smith, please come to the office, you have a telephone call.
CoWorker: You may want to speak up. Also, if he shows up, I’m getting out of here fast.
Receptionist: Why, don’t you like him?
CoWorker: No, it’s not that at all, it’s just that he’s been dead for over a year.
CoWorker #1: (On a diet trying to lose weight, but has a big piece of coworkers birthday cake in hand): Did someone over here call me? I thought someone call my name.
CoWorker #2 : No, that’s just your conscience speaking to you trying to stop you from eating that cake!
Me: “Hello, what can I do for you?”
Customer: “I want to take out a loan.”
Me: “I am sorry, what do you mean?”
Customer: “I want to take out a big loan so I can play and maybe buy a car.”
Me: “This isn’t a bank, sir. This is a casino. We don’t do that.”
Customer: “This can’t be. I know your company has loads of money. I want to borrow some. I will pay the tax or whatever.”
Me: “Sir, we don’t do loans. This isn’t a bank.”
Customer: “This is bulls***! Money is money. What’s the difference if I borrow here or at the bank? I will pay it back. So what difference does it make? Don’t argue with me!”
(I press the red button under my desk to call security.)
Me: “A gentleman will be here in a second to work things out with you and your loan. Good day!”
Customer: Good morning. How may I direct your call?
CoWorkers: I’m looking for Dick. I mean, I’m looking for a dick. I mean, I’m looking for someone named Dick.