CoWorker: “Got the job. My last day will be December 28.”
Manager: “On the 28th? When do you begin your new job?”
CoWorker: “January 3rd.”
Manager: “Come on, work until the 2nd then”
CoWorker: “Screw you dude I ain’t working Christmas and New Years, you had to work ALL the holidays this year”
Manager: “If you work those days I’ll buy you some Burger King today”
CoWorker #1: I’ve found a office with super cheap rent for my StartUp.
CoWorker #2: If the view is shit and they don’t have free cookies keep looking!
FedEx comes in for our company’s delivery.
FedEx guy: Here are your packages.
Secretary: Are you looking at my twins? (referring to photo of twin daughters)
FedEx guy: Um uh ne erm ver, I got to go!
CoWorker to customer on telephone about pork recall at our business: We only were recalling pork dated March 4th through March 16th.
Customer: Mine is dated April 2nd. Can I eat it?
Phone Support Guy: Yes sir. That’s not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you 100% sure it is safe?
Phone Support Guy: Yes sir. That pork wasn’t part of our recall.
Customer: What are the dates again?
Phone Support Guy: March 4th through March 16th.
Customer: So, it won’t kill me?
Phone Support No sir, unless you plan on throwing it on the floor, jump on it a few times, then licking it up and eating it raw.