Welcome to Stupid CoWorkers! This website is to vent and laugh about the dumb people we have to work with everyday at our jobs. So, come back daily for a good chuckle. Also, please submit your own stories about the employers, employees, and co-workers at your job!!
08/05/10: Stupid Customers
(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)
Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”
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Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”
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08/02/10: Stupid Customers
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
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Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
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07/29/10: Stupid Customers
Customer: “The price printed on the back says $16. Why are you charging me extra?”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”
(The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)
Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”
Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”
Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”
Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”
Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”
Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”
Customer: “So if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”
Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”
Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”
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Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”
(The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)
Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”
Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”
Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”
Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”
Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”
Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”
Customer: “So if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”
Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”
Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”
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07/26/10: Stupid CoWorkers
Customer service manager: He said that since he paid so much for the service contract, we should give him a replacement print head for free.
Sales manager: I'm not giving that fucker any head!
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Sales manager: I'm not giving that fucker any head!
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07/23/10: Stupid CoWorkers
Office Prank Video - Cubicle Foiled
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07/20/10: Stupid CoWorkers
Caller: I am calling about a claim that was denied last week.
Insurance customer service rep next to me: Which claim is that, ma'am?
Caller: The one from my doctor's visit while we were in Hawaii.
Insurance customer service rep next to me: Well, ma'am, your policy doesn't cover international medical claims--so your doctor's visit in Hawaii wouldn't be covered.
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Insurance customer service rep next to me: Which claim is that, ma'am?
Caller: The one from my doctor's visit while we were in Hawaii.
Insurance customer service rep next to me: Well, ma'am, your policy doesn't cover international medical claims--so your doctor's visit in Hawaii wouldn't be covered.
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07/17/10: Stupid CoWorkers
Best Office Pranks on Dwight Video...
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07/13/10: Stupid Customers
(A woman and her daughter are standing by the cigarette counter where I am working.)
Child: “Mummy, can I have a chocolate bar?”
Mother: “Okay. Pick the one you want and give it to the man.”
(There is a long, tense pause as the child and I look at one another.)
Child: *in a very condescending tone* “Mummy. I think it’s a lady.”
Me: “She is correct.”
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Child: “Mummy, can I have a chocolate bar?”
Mother: “Okay. Pick the one you want and give it to the man.”
(There is a long, tense pause as the child and I look at one another.)
Child: *in a very condescending tone* “Mummy. I think it’s a lady.”
Me: “She is correct.”
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07/10/10: Stupid Customers
Female guest at front desk: I want to do laundry. Give me four and half dollars in quarters.
Desk attendant: I can give you five dollars in quarters with this.
Female guest: I only want four and half dollars.
Desk attendant: M'am, you gave me a five dollar bill.
Female guest: Just give me four and half dollars in quarters!
Desk attendant: Okay. Here's four-fifty in quarters. And here's two quarters change.
Female guest: Finally. Thank you.
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Desk attendant: I can give you five dollars in quarters with this.
Female guest: I only want four and half dollars.
Desk attendant: M'am, you gave me a five dollar bill.
Female guest: Just give me four and half dollars in quarters!
Desk attendant: Okay. Here's four-fifty in quarters. And here's two quarters change.
Female guest: Finally. Thank you.
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07/07/10: Stupid Customers
Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”
Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”
Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”
Me: “You’re speaking to her.”
Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”
Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”
Caller: You own both the restaurants?
Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”
Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”
Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”
Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”
Me: “That’s it.”
Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”
Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”
Caller: “Oh…”
Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”
Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”
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Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”
Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”
Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”
Me: “You’re speaking to her.”
Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”
Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”
Caller: You own both the restaurants?
Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”
Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”
Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”
Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”
Me: “That’s it.”
Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”
Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”
Caller: “Oh…”
Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”
Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”
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