Stupid CoWorkers

A friend and I visited a computer store in a mall. They had aisles of software and cabinets of hardware in the back. I was curious to know how much they charged for RAM, so we headed for the rear of the store.


Salesman: "May I help you, ladies?"
Me: "Sure. We'd like to see how much your RAM is."
Salesman: (looking around uncertainly) "Let's look over here. Is this for a Mac or PC?"
Me: "PC. I have an HP."
Suddenly the salesman turns down a software aisle.


Salesman: "That sounds like a war game. It should be along in here if we have it."
Me: "Uhhhhhhhh...we're looking for RAM. You know, computer memory. Not software."
Salesman: "Oh! Memory! That would be over in the children's section."

I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information. So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I'd just give her my credit card number and be on my way. Almost.


Saleswoman: "Do you realize that the modem you've chosen doesn't have sound support?"
Customer: "What exactly does a 'modem with no sound support' mean?"
Saleswoman: "It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you won't be able to hear it."
Customer: "What does the modem have to do with that?"
Saleswoman: "Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet."
Customer: "So, you're telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?"
Saleswoman: "Yes."
Customer: "How does it accomplish this feat?"
Saleswoman: "I'm not technical enough to answer that. Please hold."
I stayed on hold for five minutes and hung up.

.................

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The other day I walked into this little place that sells old software, old computers, and some new software. I walked up to a sales clerk and said, "Do you guys carry Linux?" He took one look at me (I am 15 years old) and, not knowing what Linux was, he checked the rack with games. I said, "No, Linux is not a game -- it's an operating system."

He looked confused, then stuttered, "Uhhh...yeah...well check that rack, we've got stuff like Quicken there."


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Overheard in a nationwide computer retail store:


Customer: "Now what does this 512MB of RAM mean on this PC?"
Salesman: "Umm...RAM is what slows down your PC, see it rams into your processing power, causing slowdowns, thus why it's called RAM."
Customer: "Are you sure?"
Salesman: "Who's the expert here?"
I couldn't stop laughing.



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I was in our University Bookstore the other day looking at software when I overheard a salesman talking to a lady about an iMac.


Salesman: "It has a built in color monitor and comes with a mouse and keyboard--"
Customer: "Does this thing come with a battery backup system?"
Salesman: "No, but we have one over there for $99.00. Do you have problems with power outages?"
Customer: "No, but I don't want to lose all of my Microsoft documents everytime I turn off the computer!"
Salesman: "You don't need a battery backup for that. That's why it has a 4 gigabyte hard drive."
Customer: "A hard what?"
Salesman: "A hard drive. It's like a whole bunch of floppy disks inside your computer that you can store documents on."
Customer: "I want the battery backup."
Salesman: "You don't need it."
Customer: "Why?"

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I was in our University Bookstore the other day looking at software when I overheard a salesman talking to a lady about an iMac.


Salesman: "It has a built in color monitor and comes with a mouse and keyboard--"
Customer: "Does this thing come with a battery backup system?"
Salesman: "No, but we have one over there for $99.00. Do you have problems with power outages?"
Customer: "No, but I don't want to lose all of my Microsoft documents everytime I turn off the computer!"
Salesman: "You don't need a battery backup for that. That's why it has a 4 gigabyte hard drive."
Customer: "A hard what?"
Salesman: "A hard drive. It's like a whole bunch of floppy disks inside your computer that you can store documents on."
Customer: "I want the battery backup."
Salesman: "You don't need it."
Customer: "Why?"

.............
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I was repairing a broken PC and had finally narrowed the failure down to a dead COM port. I didn't have a spare I/O board in stock, so I headed down to the local PC shop, which I had avoided as much as possible up until now -- too many horror stories about them were making the rounds.

At the counter of the shop (which, by the way, "specialized" in PC repairs and upgrades) I asked for an I/O card. The person behind the counter just stared at me blankly. I rephrased my request and asked for a serial card. Still the blank look. Just then, someone walked up from the back room, where he had been jabbing at the interior of an open PC with a screwdriver.

"This guy wants a serial card," said the first one to the second.

"Oh, no problem. We've got plenty of those around here somewhere," the second person said. I was relieved that I would be able to get the system online that day instead of having to wait over the weekend for a replacement part in the mail.

After ten minutes of searching high and low, he brought me the "serial cards" he was proud to have found. It was a 10-pack of the aluminized serial number identification tags that you can stick to your system for inventory control.

I looked at it, turned, and walked away without a word.

In a small computer store...

Me: "Hi. I need a 25 pin RS-232 cable."
Sales Clerk 1: "What do you need it for?"
Me: "I need to plug a VT100 into a modem. I have both the VT100 and the modem, I just need at 25 pin male/female cable with RS-232 connectors."
Sales Clerk 1: "Let me get my manager."
Huh?

Sales Clerk 1: in background: "I have a guy here who wants to plug his VCR into a modem."
The sales clerk returned with another.


Sales Clerk 2: "Hello, sir. You can't attach a VCR to a modem."
Me: "That is not what I am trying to do. I need a 25-pin RS-232 cable -- that's all. Do you have cables for plugging into modems?"
Sales Clerk 2: "What do you want to plug into the modem?"
Me: "A VT100. It is a terminal. You plug it into a computer over a serial line, frequently a modem. I just need a 25-pin cable to go from the unit to the modem."
Sales Clerk 2: (to Sales Clerk 1) "He doesn't have a VCR. He wants to plug a VTR into his modem, so it is all right."
Sales Clerk 1 handed me a cable.


Me: "This is a 9-pin cable. I need a 25 pin cable."
Sales Clerk 2: "Most PC's have 9 pins on their serial cards."
Me: "I am not attaching a PC. I am attaching a VT100. There are 25 pins on it -- it needs to plug into a 25 pin connector."
Sales Clerk 2: "Then use the small end to plug into your modem."
Me: "There are 25 pins on the modem as well. Do you have any 25 pin cables? All I need is a cable with 25 pins at each end."
Sales Clerk 2: "This is a 25 pin cable."

Here's a story where some degree of fault lies on both sides. I was at my local Walmart, walking through the electronics section like I often do. A young couple was looking at a computer, assisted by a salesperson. I overheard the following conversation:


Salesman: "You should really get the full package, with the new monitor and the other accessories."
Husband: "But we already have a monitor and keyboard from our old computer."
Salesman: "You should still get the package, because it comes with a faster keyboard."
The couple conversed for a moment.


Husband: "Can we put it on layaway and make payments on it?"

I collect old computers as a hobby, mostly 20 year old microcomputers -- Apple II, Commodore, etc. Once, in an attempt to find one, I called a computer surplus store.


Me: "Hi. Do you have any old computers, maybe 10-20 years old?"
Salesperson: "Sir, there were no computers 20 years ago."
Me: "Umm, ok. Bye."
Then I cracked up.