Welcome to Stupid CoWorkers! This website is to vent and laugh about the dumb people we have to work with everyday at our jobs. So, come back daily for a good chuckle. Also, please submit your own stories about the employers, employees, and co-workers at your job!!
08/27/10: Stupid Customers
Me: “How can I help you today?”
Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”
Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”
Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”
Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”
Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”
Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”
Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”
Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”
Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”
Me: “Uh.”
Patient: “Stop judging me!”
``````````
Want to whiten your teeth? Check out SwiftTeethWhitener.com! Buy the Teeth Whiten System today !
Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”
Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”
Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”
Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”
Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”
Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”
Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”
Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”
Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”
Me: “Uh.”
Patient: “Stop judging me!”
``````````
Want to whiten your teeth? Check out SwiftTeethWhitener.com! Buy the Teeth Whiten System today !
08/18/10: Stupid Customers
Caller: “I hope this won’t take much time.”
Me: “It won’t, ma’am, it’s only a few simple steps. First of all, I need you to double click on My Computer.”
Caller: “Excuse me?”
Me: “Ma’am, our records show you running a Windows computer. Has that changed?”
Caller: “I don’t think so.”
Me: “Okay, now just double click on My Computer for me please.”
Caller: “How can I do that?”
Me: “It should be right there in front of you. Make sure all other windows are closed down and you should, hopefully, see it in the top left corner.”
Caller: “How am I suppose to click on your computer? You must be like hundreds of miles away!”
``````````
Learn about the latest fashion at Fashionfierce.com ! Read the Fashion Blog today!
Me: “It won’t, ma’am, it’s only a few simple steps. First of all, I need you to double click on My Computer.”
Caller: “Excuse me?”
Me: “Ma’am, our records show you running a Windows computer. Has that changed?”
Caller: “I don’t think so.”
Me: “Okay, now just double click on My Computer for me please.”
Caller: “How can I do that?”
Me: “It should be right there in front of you. Make sure all other windows are closed down and you should, hopefully, see it in the top left corner.”
Caller: “How am I suppose to click on your computer? You must be like hundreds of miles away!”
``````````
Learn about the latest fashion at Fashionfierce.com ! Read the Fashion Blog today!
08/09/10: Stupid Customers
Me: “How can I help you?”
Caller: “Is this a joke?”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”
Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”
Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”
Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”
Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”
``````````
Visit the Deaf Dating site, which is a Deaf community to meet girls and guys for relationships at Dating4Deaf.com !
Caller: “Is this a joke?”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”
Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”
Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”
Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”
Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”
``````````
Visit the Deaf Dating site, which is a Deaf community to meet girls and guys for relationships at Dating4Deaf.com !
08/05/10: Stupid Customers
(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)
Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”
``````````
Get bargains at BargainRampage.com and save on electronics.
Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”
``````````
Get bargains at BargainRampage.com and save on electronics.
08/02/10: Stupid Customers
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
``````````
Get Amazon Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
``````````
Get Amazon Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !
07/29/10: Stupid Customers
Customer: “The price printed on the back says $16. Why are you charging me extra?”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”
(The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)
Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”
Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”
Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”
Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”
Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”
Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”
Customer: “So if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”
Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”
Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”
``````````
Learn about the decor at DecoratePlace.com ! Read about Decorating Ideas today!
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”
(The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)
Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”
Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”
Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”
Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”
Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”
Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”
Customer: “So if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”
Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”
Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”
``````````
Learn about the decor at DecoratePlace.com ! Read about Decorating Ideas today!
07/13/10: Stupid Customers
(A woman and her daughter are standing by the cigarette counter where I am working.)
Child: “Mummy, can I have a chocolate bar?”
Mother: “Okay. Pick the one you want and give it to the man.”
(There is a long, tense pause as the child and I look at one another.)
Child: *in a very condescending tone* “Mummy. I think it’s a lady.”
Me: “She is correct.”
``````````
Get Dell Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !
Child: “Mummy, can I have a chocolate bar?”
Mother: “Okay. Pick the one you want and give it to the man.”
(There is a long, tense pause as the child and I look at one another.)
Child: *in a very condescending tone* “Mummy. I think it’s a lady.”
Me: “She is correct.”
``````````
Get Dell Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !
07/10/10: Stupid Customers
Female guest at front desk: I want to do laundry. Give me four and half dollars in quarters.
Desk attendant: I can give you five dollars in quarters with this.
Female guest: I only want four and half dollars.
Desk attendant: M'am, you gave me a five dollar bill.
Female guest: Just give me four and half dollars in quarters!
Desk attendant: Okay. Here's four-fifty in quarters. And here's two quarters change.
Female guest: Finally. Thank you.
``````````
Visit the Deaf Dating site, which is a Deaf community to meet girls and guys for relationships at Dating4Deaf.com !
Desk attendant: I can give you five dollars in quarters with this.
Female guest: I only want four and half dollars.
Desk attendant: M'am, you gave me a five dollar bill.
Female guest: Just give me four and half dollars in quarters!
Desk attendant: Okay. Here's four-fifty in quarters. And here's two quarters change.
Female guest: Finally. Thank you.
``````````
Visit the Deaf Dating site, which is a Deaf community to meet girls and guys for relationships at Dating4Deaf.com !
07/07/10: Stupid Customers
Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”
Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”
Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”
Me: “You’re speaking to her.”
Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”
Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”
Caller: You own both the restaurants?
Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”
Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”
Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”
Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”
Me: “That’s it.”
Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”
Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”
Caller: “Oh…”
Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”
Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”
``````````
Get bridesmaids gifts and all wedding products at BrightWedding.com
Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”
Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”
Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”
Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”
Me: “You’re speaking to her.”
Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”
Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”
Caller: You own both the restaurants?
Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”
Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”
Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”
Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”
Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”
Me: “That’s it.”
Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”
Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”
Caller: “Oh…”
Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”
Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”
``````````
Get bridesmaids gifts and all wedding products at BrightWedding.com
06/20/10: Stupid Customers
Customer: “My wife and I were wondering if it would be okay to bring our chihuahua in while we eat?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but health department rules say we can’t allow any animals other than service animals in the restaurant.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s no problem.”
(He leaves, then comes back in with his wife and a dog-shaped bulge underneath his shirt. My manager, who had overheard the conversation, comes to the register.)
Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s a violation of health code to have the dog in the restaurant.”
Customer: “What dog?”
(The dog then pokes his head out of the customer’s shirt.)
Customer: *stammering* “Well, uh, he’ll stay right here. He won’t get out. He’s very clean and has good manners!”
(A wet spot begins to appear on the man’s shirt.)
Customer: “Maybe I’ll just go through the the drive thru…”
``````````
Learn about the decor at DecoratePlace.com ! Read about Decorating Ideas today!
Me: “I’m sorry, but health department rules say we can’t allow any animals other than service animals in the restaurant.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s no problem.”
(He leaves, then comes back in with his wife and a dog-shaped bulge underneath his shirt. My manager, who had overheard the conversation, comes to the register.)
Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s a violation of health code to have the dog in the restaurant.”
Customer: “What dog?”
(The dog then pokes his head out of the customer’s shirt.)
Customer: *stammering* “Well, uh, he’ll stay right here. He won’t get out. He’s very clean and has good manners!”
(A wet spot begins to appear on the man’s shirt.)
Customer: “Maybe I’ll just go through the the drive thru…”
``````````
Learn about the decor at DecoratePlace.com ! Read about Decorating Ideas today!
