Stupid CoWorkers

Tech support: "Now, press the up arrow."
Customer: "I don't see any up arrow."
Tech support: "It's above the rest of the arrows at the lower left."
Customer: "All I see above the arrows is an 'I' with a funny little hat on it."
Tech support: "Press that!"

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(Sometimes I get very bored at work and decide to have fun with customers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “My computer isn’t working at all. It seems that something is wrong with it.”

Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do…”

(I place my hands on the computer and in my best imitation of a televangelist.)

Me: “IT IS HEALED! PRAISE THE LORD!”

Customer: “Oh my God, really? Are you serious?! Thank you!”

Me: “No, no I’m not.”

Customer: *completely baffled*

Me: “I hate my life.”


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A guy came into my office, in a real panic. He kept saying something about how his computer screen was shaking violently, and he thought it had a virus! Going down to the computer, I found that the picture on the screen was indeed shaking a lot, but I also noticed something else...

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Customer: "I think I've broken my computer! There's a message across the screen that says: 'It is now safe to turn off your PC.' WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!"

e's a silly incident which happened to me when I was trying to renew my account in a local ISP in Malaysia. I was trying to renew my account, and after consulting my computer dealer, I had to do it through the bank. Two days after I sent the money, I checked if my account was rebalanced and renewed. It wasn't. My account had been terminated once last year -- I was not even informed, and I only knew this after a ten minute session with technical support. I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing another reoccurence, so I sent a message to the ISP, stating, "I reviewed my account but it seemed that it had not been updated yet. Please do it so as it may be an inconvenience if my account is terminated without notice again like the last time."

It may apparently be a simple request, but the ISP botched it. They thought I was asking them to terminate my account -- and send a notice about it. I was given a notice politely telling me that my account would be terminated within three days.

I was at an ad agency a while back and there was a big project deadline looming. The folks who were printing this particular ad were about 150 miles away and had to get all of the files that the agency had put together in a hurry. We found out the hard way, after trial and error, that the print house didn't have any Internet access at all, so we couldn't email the data. So I suggested that we meet half way, and I'd give them the files on a zip disk. I asked the woman on the phone if she had a zip. She replied with a five digit number.

After owning my computer for a little over two months I noticed the system was sluggish.


Me: "My system's really slow on bootup."
Tech Support: "Have you been on the net for a long time?"
Me: "Well, yeah, about a month or two."
Tech Support: "Try deleting the cache. Oh, and do you have a virus scanner?"
Me: "Yes, it was the first thing I put on the hard drive."
Tech Support: "Oh, get rid of it. That's the problem. Those virus scanners screw things up on your disk. Get rid of it."
Me: "Isn't that risky?"
Tech Support: "And you'll have to format your hard drive with Quick Reinstall. That's really all I know."
Me: "Um...sure. Sure I will."
A friend cleaned up my system path, and the boot lag cleared right up. And guess what? I didn't have to format my hard drive after all.

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A few years ago, a woman called to complain that she bought a computer, and after only a couple months, Windows didn't run anymore. She further explained that her son had installed a game on the computer and that that was the only thing the computer would run.

I went to her home and found that the son had created a boot diskette for the game and never popped it out of the drive.





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I've done my time in tech support and have managed to live through some very weird calls, but this one was the best. An older lady bought a brand new desktop system with all the extras and had been using it for about a month when she got an error about an "illegal function." She took apart the whole system down to the hard drive and hid it in different parts of her house, called us, and wanted to know how much longer she had until the police were going to come get her. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time on the phone putting the system back together.

I worked as a technician for a company that sold computers. One time a woman was having trouble turning on her computer. I stopped by her house and quickly discovered the problem. She had gotten into the habit of turning the computer on by first pressing the power switch on the computer, then the power switch on the monitor. But somehow, they had gotten out of sync, so when the computer was on, the monitor was off, or vice versa. So no matter how many times she flipped both switches, the computer just wouldn't seem to work.

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