Stupid CoWorkers

I have been living with my roomate for almost a year now. The last month has been hell. I dont have a job to pay rent, but I do work. For her that is. She will go to work at BlockBuster in a cool air conditioned place while I am mowing the lawn or cleaning the shrubs on the side of the house as part of her chore list. When she gets home she sits in the recliner and changes the channel without even asking me if I was watching tv or not. I am really hating her right now. On her days off she just puts me to work and watches me do it. In the kitchen she will make a big meal for herself and then tell me to clean it up. Pig she is! Her room and closet are filthy and who gets to clean it up.....ME! You would think she would help me out and maybe talk to her manager about getting me a job or soemthing. I dont know how much longer I can be her assistant.

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Back in my college days, I was a resident assistant in one of the dorms on campus. One of my residents (not the brightest crayon in the box) came to me asking for help as she had been attempting to connect to the Internet with no success. I sat down at her desk, and, noticing that there were only a printer cord and power cord coming out of her computer, I asked if she had an ethernet card and if she had activated her data line.

"Ethernet card? Data line?" she asked. "What's that?" I took a deep breath and calmly attempted to explain to her how to hook her computer up to a network. I finally told her to take her roommate with her to the on-campus PC store and tell them that she wanted an ethernet card for her computer.

Two hours later, she knocked on my door again and told me that she had gotten the ethernet card, had it installed, and gotten her data line activated, but was still having problems getting online. I went back to her room, and, sure enough, she had the card but still hadn't plugged it into the data jack.


Me: "So, were you going to plug this in?"
Her: "Well, I got the card. Isn't that all I need?"
Me: "No, you'll need some cable to plug it into the data jack."
Her: "I don't need to plug it in!"
Me: "Why is that?"
Her: "Don't you know anything? The Internet isn't in the wall! It's all around us!" (waves arms and looks in awe at the ceiling) "You can't even SEE it! I don't think you're as smart as everyone thinks you are if you don't know that." (gives me a crusty glare)
Me: "So...how does your computer FIND the Internet without some sort of connection to it?"
Her: "Computers just KNOW this kind of stuff."
Me: "Your roommate has an ethernet connection through the data jack. The rest of the floor has their computers plugged into our data lines--"
Her: "Well, that's just because you're not as in touch with your computers as I am. If you all were good friends with them, they would just take you to the Internet without having to plug them into the phone jacks. You know, I don't think that's a very humane thing to do to your computer, and I don't know that I like such a cruel person touching my stuff."
I could do nothing but look at her blankly for a few minutes before quickly retreating to the privacy of my room to laugh hysterically. She gave me five minutes before knocking on my door again. I told her if she left me alone with the computer for a while, when she came back, she'd be able to connect. After my many assurances that I wouldn't do anything "cruel and unusual" to her precious computer, she left the room to go to class. I bought some cabling, plugged everything in, adjusted her settings, and went back to my room to call my brother to tell him the story.

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First of all, let me preface by saying that I am female. My roommate and I had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship once upon a time, a LONG time ago, but since we hace just become good friends. I needed a place to live, and he invited to live in his extra bedroom of his house. I had never visited the house, but DESPERATELY needed a cheap place, so I accepted.

Upon arrival of my first visit, I discovered that my future room was actually quite similiar in size to a closet. I argued rent price, and got it down to less than half--since my room was less than half the size of his! I moved in in November, and everything was great--for awhile! Enter Crystal--my roommates so-called "girlfriend."

Now my roommate is 22 years old--his girlfriend, when he started dating her, was still in high school, and not yet 18! After laughing at him when he told me, I discovered he was serious. Now this seemingly healthy relationship progressed, and everything was fine. Then all of a sudden, his little 18 year old is here ALL the time....these two have absolutely no life except for each other. She had no job at the time, but she has one now--about 5-6 months after mooching off him. But when they are not at work, their life consists of sitting around our house--monopolizing the couch which I purchased for use, but not sure I've ever actually used--going to Wal-Mart or Target, and going out to eat. Thats ALL. They only hang out with each other, and only do those things. They never pick up after themselves, they mess up the house which I have cleaned, and they like to have early morning sex in tha bathroom that we share, and make loud sounds to wake me up. I've exacted revenge, however, by playing the William Tell overture at full volume everytime they start going at it. But with the messiness, I totally understand your pain! They try to throw their empty wrappers and other things away, but the garbage can is just so hard to hit! And its unbelievably tough to wipe up your mess and just soak your dishes in the sink, after I've just cleaned the kitchen.


Anyway, thats the gist of my roommate situation. I'm in the process of selling my car so I can move into my own apartment. Thanks again for the amusing, yet oh so true website! Take care!

Sincerely, Beth

I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.

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One day, my former roommate decided to cook on the grill. Well this intelligent being turns on the gas and finds that the electric start isn't working. He then goes into the house to get a match (keep in mind the the gas is still running). In the house he find a butane lighter, which is empty, so he attempts to fill the empty BUTANE lighter with zippo lighter fluid. The Gas is still running. Failing and spilling the fluid all over the lighter, he then for some reason clicks the little electric trigger (that made a nice flame.) Again, keep in mind the gas has been running for at least 5 minutes. So after the lighter incident I realized that the grill was still running. So I went outside, shut the gas off and waited about 5 minutes to let the gas clear out. After I feel it is safe to light the grill, I turn on the gas, throw in a match and presto...its ready to cook. My roommate then asks, "How'd you do that?" At this point I proceeded to tattoo the word "idiot" on his forehead.

My freshman year in college, I had a roommate who was bright enough but had a tendency to speak One day, my former roommate decided to cook on the grill. Well this intelligent being turns on the gas and finds that the electric start isn't working. He then goes into the house to get a match (keep in mind the the gas is still running). In the house he find a butane lighter, which is empty, so he attempts to fill the empty BUTANE lighter with zippo lighter fluid. The Gas is still running. Failing and spilling the fluid all over the lighter, he then for some reason clicks the little electric trigger (that made a nice flame.) Again, keep in mind the gas has been running for at least 5 minutes. So after the lighter incident I realized that the grill was still running. So I went outside, shut the gas off and waited about 5 minutes to let the gas clear out. After I feel it is safe to light the grill, I turn on the gas, throw in a match and presto...its ready to cook. My roommate then asks, "How'd you do that?" At this point I proceeded to tattoo the word "idiot" on his forehead.

My freshman year in college, I had a roommate who was bright enough but had a tendency to speak before thinking. The first classic scenario from that year was when we had just moved in (there were 5 of us in a "suite") and were discussing the fact that our college was very close to the state capital. "Wow," the roomie says, "wouldn't it be great if we had a war?" We looked at her blankly. "I mean, if we wanted to protest it would be SO convenient!"

The other memorable incident was a few months later. "What are you guys doing?" she said as she entered the room. "We were just talking about Jim Henson." "Ohhhhh yeah, Jim Henson. Is he still dead?" Three of us burst out laughing while another roomie replied, "No, he's back from the grave and touring with Elvis this summer." She merely looked confused and left again.

One evening, my roommate was telling me a story about one of our former roommates. Apparently they ordered pizza and cheese bread one night. The former roommate was enjoying the meal, when all of a sudden he yelled....."This cheese bread is nothing but cheese and bread!!!"

I'm not saying that my ex roommate Dan is stupid, I'm just saying that he's one chip shy of a cookie. One day at lunch, we were all discussing where we would live over Christmas break. My wonderful AFRICAN AMERICAN friend, Letta, said that she would be living in a certain neighborhood of Columbus, at which point Dan shouts "Don't live there! That's a BLACK neighborhood!" I guess natural selection doesn't always work.

I live with another woman who is about thirty years old. She is totally stupid. She has done a lot of stupid things and I am sure she will keep on like this until she dies. One day she was trying to fix the cable of a ceiling lamp because it was out of order. The first time she had an electric shock because she tried to fix it without switching off the main power. I thought that she would switch it off before she tries again but, for my surprise, she just wore a pair of gloves and tried again. I was amazed by her stupidness. I could not stand it anymore and asked her why she didn't switch off the power and she told me: "You are right. That's a good idea.."