Welcome to Stupid CoWorkers! This website is to vent and laugh about the dumb people we have to work with everyday at our jobs. So, come back daily for a good chuckle. Also, please submit your own stories about the employers, employees, and co-workers at your job!!
09/03/10: Stupid CoWorkers
08/31/10: Stupid Things Overheard
Art director to photographer: So, how big is your rack?
(rest of table bursts out laughing)
Art director: Okay! I guess we're all 13 here!
Photographer: You gotta admit, that was good.
Art director: Yeah, it was good.
(at the end of photo shoot meeting)
Art director: Don't forget to bring your rack on Friday!
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(rest of table bursts out laughing)
Art director: Okay! I guess we're all 13 here!
Photographer: You gotta admit, that was good.
Art director: Yeah, it was good.
(at the end of photo shoot meeting)
Art director: Don't forget to bring your rack on Friday!
``````````
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08/27/10: Stupid Customers
Me: “How can I help you today?”
Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”
Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”
Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”
Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”
Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”
Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”
Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”
Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”
Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”
Me: “Uh.”
Patient: “Stop judging me!”
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Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”
Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”
Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”
Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”
Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”
Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”
Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”
Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”
Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”
Me: “Uh.”
Patient: “Stop judging me!”
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08/24/10: Stupid CoWorkers
08/21/10: Stupid CoWorkers
Male boss: So, earlier I walked down the hall calling your name, looking for you, but my wife is the one that responded...
Coworker, jokingly: That's because our names sound so much alike.
Male boss: No, I think it's because when we have sex I like to pretend she's a man and I call out your name.
Coworker: That's the most fucked-up thing you've ever said to me.
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Coworker, jokingly: That's because our names sound so much alike.
Male boss: No, I think it's because when we have sex I like to pretend she's a man and I call out your name.
Coworker: That's the most fucked-up thing you've ever said to me.
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08/18/10: Stupid Customers
Caller: “I hope this won’t take much time.”
Me: “It won’t, ma’am, it’s only a few simple steps. First of all, I need you to double click on My Computer.”
Caller: “Excuse me?”
Me: “Ma’am, our records show you running a Windows computer. Has that changed?”
Caller: “I don’t think so.”
Me: “Okay, now just double click on My Computer for me please.”
Caller: “How can I do that?”
Me: “It should be right there in front of you. Make sure all other windows are closed down and you should, hopefully, see it in the top left corner.”
Caller: “How am I suppose to click on your computer? You must be like hundreds of miles away!”
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Me: “It won’t, ma’am, it’s only a few simple steps. First of all, I need you to double click on My Computer.”
Caller: “Excuse me?”
Me: “Ma’am, our records show you running a Windows computer. Has that changed?”
Caller: “I don’t think so.”
Me: “Okay, now just double click on My Computer for me please.”
Caller: “How can I do that?”
Me: “It should be right there in front of you. Make sure all other windows are closed down and you should, hopefully, see it in the top left corner.”
Caller: “How am I suppose to click on your computer? You must be like hundreds of miles away!”
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08/15/10: Stupid CoWorkers
08/12/10: Stupid Things Overheard
Buyer: Let me give you my e-mail address and you can forward me the information.
Vendor: Okay, give it to me.
Buyer: m-o-l-i-n-a...
Vendor: Okay, I'ma send that to you.
Buyer: Um, sir, I need to give you the rest of my e-mail address.
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Vendor: Okay, give it to me.
Buyer: m-o-l-i-n-a...
Vendor: Okay, I'ma send that to you.
Buyer: Um, sir, I need to give you the rest of my e-mail address.
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08/09/10: Stupid Customers
Me: “How can I help you?”
Caller: “Is this a joke?”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”
Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”
Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”
Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”
Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”
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Caller: “Is this a joke?”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”
Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”
Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”
Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”
Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”
``````````
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08/05/10: Stupid Customers
(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)
Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”
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Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”
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