Stupid Customers

(I am a telephone operator for a large insurance company that has thousands of employees, so I need a last name to transfer people)

Caller: “Hi, can I be transferred to Mike?”

Me: “Yes, what is Mike’s last name?”

Caller: “I’m not sure, I just know his first name is Mike.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we have hundreds of Mike’s so I would need a last name.”

Caller: “Oh, I see. Well, I’ll just call him and get his last name, then.”

Me: “Okay, but if you have his direct number, why were you calling me in the first place?”

Caller: *hangs up*

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Stupid Customers

(the is a phone conversation I had)

Manager calls me: “Hi, a customers just applied for a store card and she’d like to use it today. Please look it up and help her out?”

(After pulling up the application, I see that the name on the application does not match the name of the customer. I can’t say that for security reasons though)

Me: “I’m sorry to tell you the application was declined due to information not matching. Usually this means a typo somewhere. Could you have your customer try again, please?”

Manager: “Okay, she just tried it again. Did it go through this time?”

Me: “No, it is still saying that the information is not matching. You keep saying ‘she’, but on the application, it says ‘Mr.’. Is she applying jointly with someone?”

Manager: “I’ll ask.” *pause* “Okay, she says everything she does is in her late husband’s name, so that’s the social security number she’s using.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m not sure how her temperament is, so we’re going to have to be delicate about this. Could you very tactfully let her know that we not issue credit to dead people?”

Manager: *laughs* “Will do. Thank you!”

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Stupid Customers

I work at a store that sells area rugs. Here was a phone call I had:

Me: “[Store], this is [name].”

Customer on Phone: “Hello? I have a question. Can you help me?”

Me: “Yes, what is your question?”

Customer on Phone: “I can’t get it to stay up!”

Me: “Umm,okay. What do you mean?”

Customer on Phone: “My area rug! It’s old & I love this rug, but recently I can’t get it to stay up. The…what are they called? Fibers? They are all crushed and won’t stay up!”

Me: “Oh, I see.”

Customer on Phone: “I have been vacuuming it on all the different settings. It’s not as stiff and thick as it used to be. No matter how hard I suck, it just won’t stay up!”

Me: *trying to stay composed* “Alright, well that does tend to happen with age. Rugs tend to get pile-crushing after long periods of heavy traffic.”

Customer on Phone: “So, you’re telling me I can’t get it up because it’s old?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”

(I manage to keep it together for the rest of the conversation. However, my manager, who can hear the entire exchange, is cracking-up next to me the entire time)

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Stupid Customers

Customer and child: “Hello, how old do kids have to be until they have to pay for admission?”

Me: “4 years old. 3 and under are free.”

Customer: “1 adult and 1 three year old, then.”

Daughter: “But daddy, I’m 4!”

Customer: “Quiet honey, Daddy, is talking”

Daughter: “Daddy,I’m not 3, I’m 4!!!”

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